I genuinely don’t know what Vancouver expects people to do anymore.
For context, I’m a multimillionaire, or at least I was living like one before a series of unfortunate events completely derailed my life. I used to drive a Lamborghini Urus until it got totalled by a shopping cart. I’m not going to get into the specifics of how that happened, but the insurance process has been an absolute nightmare.
Since then, I’ve been forced to reconsider my relationship with the Vancouver housing market.
My current residence is a back alley where I’ve established what I would describe as a fairly sophisticated housing arrangement. I personally designed and hand-crafted an expanded cardboard box with measurements of 15 × 10 × 8 feet. That’s 1,200 cubic feet of living space, for anyone wondering.
Before anyone starts laughing, I want to make it clear that this is not some ordinary box behind a dumpster. I put considerable thought into the dimensions, insulation, and overall layout. It’s surprisingly cozy, retains heat well, and provides more personal space than some of the micro-condos currently being advertised for $700,000.
I’ve essentially developed a free housing scheme that requires no mortgage, no landlord, and no ridiculous Vancouver property taxes. I believe this is an innovative response to the housing crisis, and frankly, I think the city should be encouraging people like me.
Instead, bylaw officers keep showing up and acting as though I’m committing some kind of crime by existing in my own carefully constructed dwelling.
I’m sorry, but when did having a roof over your head become a municipal privilege?
I went from driving a Lamborghini to living in an alley, and now the government is threatening the one piece of real estate I’ve managed to secure for myself.
The box is warm. The box is spacious. The box is mine.
At this point, I’m starting to believe Vancouver simply hates independent housing innovation.
Has anyone else dealt with bylaw officers who seem personally offended by affordable housing solutions?